Another Day

In ramblings, therapy on December 24, 2013 at 10:09 pm

As an adult the holidays have been a tough time of year. Most of the time I’m far away from the people I want to spend Christmas with. Often I have little money to send the gifts and things I would like to send. All too often Christmas is merely the day I am most reminded that I am alone and not with my close friends and loved ones. This year is no exception. There are reasons that I am where I am. I quit a very easy and well paid job that I hated and moved here to start my own business almost two years ago. The business is surviving. I can’t really say more than that. I know that for a new business surviving actually means I’ve done better than most. For the moment though, the business is a source of stress rather than joy. Abject failure or success are more easily dealt with than continuing the struggle for an uncertain future. The struggle is the hardest bit for me. I think I deal with failure better than I deal with uncertainty. I’m guessing that is true for most of us.

I got up a bit late today (I was up till 4 am last night playing video games with some friends online). But I did get up and took a shower, brushed my teeth, and shaved. That is the hardest thing when depressed. Getting up and taking that shower when you know that there is absolutely no reason that it will matter. So getting this far is like spitting in depression’s eye. It is a small victory, but large victories are built on the little ones. Because I live in paradise, the sun is out. The palm trees are swaying in a gentle ocean breeze and the birds are singing. I have the doors and windows open and the sun is streaming in. It is not very Christmas’y but that helps in a way. It makes it feel like just another day.

I don’t have the energy to deal with attempting to fix the 3D printer today. I feel like it is probably going to be a lot of work and effort for little result. I don’t want to deal with that on top of everything else. So I need another plan. I started the day with pizza (as good as any holiday meal in my opinion) and watched an episode of James May’s Man Lab (the best show on television right now.) I am going to do a little bit of cleaning I think. I’ll practice playing my bass and I am going to organize my tools. I had a lot of space at my last place and so I had a couple of large tool boxes to keep things straight. At my current apartment I have much less space and my tools have just been thrown in some tool bags and a box. The big tool chests are at my Mom’s house and I am constantly picking stuff up from there or dropping off stuff I don’t think I’ll need. The end result is that I have everything jumbled together. So I’ll do some organizing and clean up any tools that need it. This will leave me in a better spot to start working on the 3D printer when I get to that point. In the mean time it will give me a good result and some job satisfaction for the day. Everything in it’s place feels good.

Tomorrow I’ll go down the local watering hole and meet with some other friends that are far from home for the holidays this year. Maybe I’ll see a movie (Walter Mitty looks very good). In the mean time I’ll take care of today. I’ve got things to do. After all it’s just another day.


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